i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
