And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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