are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
