Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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