I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
