someone threw a dead crab at me
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
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