Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
