We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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