Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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