I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
