please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
