Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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