i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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