tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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