great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
