the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
