bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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