He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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