wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
