Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
