Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
