Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
