Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
