WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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