worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
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