My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My dick has a subreddit
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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