if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he thought i was a dude.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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