Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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