i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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