She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Randomize
