So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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