Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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