i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
