Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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