my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
