i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
