Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
