as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
