i jhust puked up my retainher.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
