Quick, to the slutcave!
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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