Nicole vs. Life
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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