Nicole vs. Life
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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