there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
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Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
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I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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