Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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