Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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