i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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