I skipped work to stalk him.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize