I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
