I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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