You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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