It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
