dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
