My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
