I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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