Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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