You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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