When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
