i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I look better un-naked...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
