i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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