Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
