My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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