I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
