so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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