Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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