How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize