I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
